“I’m making you both Hall Monitors,” Principal Wombat said, though she quickly added, “This isn’t because you’re monitor lizards.”
Zeke couldn’t help himself. “But all the other Hall Monitors have been–”
“Coincidence,” Principal Wombat interrupted. “You’ll make sure other students aren’t in the hallways when they shouldn’t be. Which is why we coincidentally call it monitoring.” She looked slightly flustered, but what did it matter if a Principal was flustered? What sort of kid was going to point this out?
“You look flustered,” said Daniel. Zeke elbowed him in the side. “Ow!”
“It’s all pretty easy,” Principal Wombat continued, as if Daniel hadn’t said anything. “If you see someone out of class when you’re monitoring, you ask them for their hall pass. If they have one, all is well. If they don’t, you send them to me. Any questions?”
“I have a question,” Daniel said. “Is it true you can use your butt as armour?”
“Yes,” said Principal Wombat. “It’s a wombat thing. Anything else?”
“What if they don’t have a hall pass and they don’t want to go see you?” Zeke asked.
“Then you take down their name, and you tell me they didn’t want to go.” Zeke thought about this. “This isn’t going to make us very popular.”
“But you’ll be serving the school.” Principal Wombat smiled. “And you’ll be making me happy.”
“Well, I mean, that’s a nice thing,” Zeke said, “but I can’t help but think it’s still something to do with us being monitor lizards, me and Daniel.”
Daniel nodded in agreement, then said, “Getting back to the butt. Is it made of steel? Like a tank?”
Principal Wombat shook her head. “Just bone. If we’re under threat, we go head-first into a hole in the ground, and our backside protects us from predators.”
“Cool,” Daniel said, appreciatively.
“Because Alicia is a monitor lizard, too,” Zeke said, referring to the only other Hall Monitor currently in school.
“Another coincidence. Besides, I thought you’d be happy to be Hall Monitors with your friend.”
“Just because we’re lizards doesn’t mean we’re automatically friends.” Principal Wombat looked surprised. “You’re not friends with Alicia?”
“Of course we’re friends with Alicia,” Zeke said, “but not just because she’s another lizard.”
“Oh, good,” Principal Wombat said, relieved. “I do like my students to get along. Now, you’ll perform your duties in the morning after first bell and before and after lunch. You’ll get special permission to be late to your own classrooms! And” – she looked really excited now – “you get sashes!”
She held out two red sashes. Daniel and Zeke just stared at them. She tossed them across the desk with her furry, stumpy arms, basically throwing them over Zeke and Daniel’s heads. The one for Daniel came all the way down to his knees, but Zeke’s barely went past his shoulders.
Zeke fingered the plastic material and noticed it was slightly stained.
Daniel looked up at Principal Wombat. “Can we get butt armour instead?”…
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