This story of a writer finding her voice, struggling to have a room of her own, is the story of ALL women finding space for themselves against the ‘very important men’ in their lives. It’s the story of every woman’s life.
Nikki Gemmell was in her mid-twenties with a deep desire to write, when she met W: older, intellectual, a published freelance writer, a giant in her eyes. Over the course of their relationship, she literally dissolved into him and over him, until he ended their relationship in the leadup to their wedding. Dissolve is that story, written in exquisite second person, and the story of every woman who has ever diminished and silenced herself for a man. This is a conversation. A crucial conversation with the beautiful young women of Gemmell’s teenage daughter’s generation, and of course with men. With husbands and male artists. But mostly it was a conversation with me. Seriously. Nikki Gemmell wrote this book for me, and I suspect there will be many women who feel the same way upon reading it.
W is at the heart of this story, as men so often are. Back then, you were the sidekick. The experiment. Accessory. Muse. As women so often are. But finally, you are writing this out, centring yourself in the narrative, and already you can feel an aversion to this. From yourself. What audacity, cheek.
Dissolve is a deeply personal, profoundly intimate reflection on love and female creativity in a man’s world, and what happens when it all collides. Having lived through the humiliation and bewildering complexity of a time of failure, Gemmell eventually resurfaced. Decades later she has written a meditation on women’s lives and creative desires. Throughout, she references writers she’s learnt from: Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Marguerite Duras, Simone de Beauvoir, Edith Wharton, and also women who were lovers to great artists, like Camille Claudel, Rodin’s lover.
Dissolve is a hopeful, exhilarating book about women finding their voice. Each page is imbued with startling self-awareness and profound wisdom. I returned to find some quotes to share here and realised I could transcribe the whole book. It is utterly sublime.
Male creativity feels like power. You are in awe of W’s craft. Subservient to it, willing to be silent and accommodating and helpful for it. Your own creativity is softening in the face of his. You can feel the lessening of your own intent, little acquiescences, again and again. You will write next month, next year.
Dissolve is my favourite book of 2021 so far. Vulnerable, honest and raw – reading this was so familiar it physically hurt. I wish I’d read this twenty years ago.
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