NEED TO KNOW

Most fairies are familiar with the name Artemis Fowl. In fact, the young human’s exploits are referenced in a cautionary nursery rhyme taught in fairy preschools. The most famous version of the rhyme goes like this:

Never fall foul
Of Artemis Fowl, For wise as an owl Is he.

He wrestled a troll And stole fairy gold, Then frightened
The LEP.

Commander Trouble Kelp of the Lower Elements Police once petitioned, at an education summit, to have this rhyme removed from the curriculum on the grounds that:

1. It had not, in fact, been Artemis Fowl who’d wrestled the troll, but rather his bodyguard, Butler (see LEP file: Artemis Fowl).
2. There was only anecdotal evidence to support the claim that the LEP had been frightened at the Fowl Manor siege. Some of the operatives had been slightly anxious perhaps, but hardly frightened, and (Trouble was really grasping at straws here) . . .
3. According to zoologists, owls are really not so wise, and are actually less trainable than common pigeons, so it is factually incorrect to present the owl as a symbol of wisdom.

This argument drew, appropriately enough, hoots of laughter from the assembly.

Unfortunately for Commander Kelp, he himself was obliged to recite the rhyme as part of his petition, and by the second line the entire congress was reciting it along with him. Shortly thereafter, much to the commander’s irritation, a show of hands dictated that the Artemis Fowl nursery rhyme remain on the school syllabus.

And, while it was true that Artemis Fowl’s first interaction with the fairy folk had been less than auspicious, it had at least prompted the Council to push through updates to their security protocols, including the lifting of a centuries-old hex forbidding fairies to enter human dwellings uninvited, and the striking of a law requiring them to carry a copy of the Fairy Book at all times. Even so, there was many a relieved mutter when Artemis and his bodyguard, Butler, embarked on a five-year scientific expedition to Mars, with one indiscreet Council member (who forgot to turn off her microphone after an interview) quipping that she felt ‘sorry for any aliens out there who might cross the Fowl boy’s path’, which was a little harsh considering Artemis had saved the entire world from the megalomaniacal pixie, Opal Koboi, temporarily sacrificing his own life in the process.

To find out more, check out this chapter sampler…